Not every Negative has to be a Negative .

hello hello!!

so todays blog i dont think will be so long, but you never know my fingers get key happy when i start to write these things !! hhah

so this week has not had the best start in the world ! Yesterday one of our babies died. She was 8 months old and perfectly healthy and beautiful and chubby!! We dont know what caused it all we know is she had a high fever that put her into having sesures  and then she passed from internal bleeding.. So with the doctors not having enough technology we don't know what killed her and we probably wont find out... it hurts my heart a lot becuse we have lost a baby before but she was very ill and we all knew she was going to pass. But this baby was perfect she never had any problems she was happy healthy 8 month old baby.. It was hard .. 

I find that as a western country we are very sheltered from death.. It isn't a common thing for people around you to die so often, we aren't used to it. As for me i have lost very few people in my life, and have never seen a dead body before. 

We had a funeral and an open casket  for her. She was the first dead body i have seen. It was impossible not to break down because she looks how she looked when she goes to sleep but i had to remind myself she wasn't asleep.. I didnt react to it well .. my stomach turned and i had to go to the washroom and throw up. 

It was a hard day for us all , especially when you put so much time into a baby trying to raise them to be a future leader and a wonderful person and you loose them.. 

But i dont want to look at her death as a negative. At first me and the girls all we could say was why.. God why did you need to have her so young.. But honestly.. It isn't up to us.. It never was. We are just passing through on this earth.. its up to God when we go.. And he was looking at her and he said its time, i want her to come to me. And who are we to ask his reasons.

 So i like to think to myself of the positive. she was a happy fat baby who loved her food and loved to play in the water, so i know she is in heavin now playing in the water and eating all the food she wants with jesus right by her side. So it is hard to think that an innocent soul was taken, But in the end we should really look at her and be like '' wow, she is so lucky she gets to be with jesus'' so i can't say i didn't cry and question and wish she was still here.. But now im happy and im at peace with everything that has happened.. and i think through time we all will. We will say her name and laugh and picture a little naked girl playing in the water with more rolls then you can count and smile knowing she is with jesus now !

 The pastor also wrote a story and he wrote it about what she is doing in heavin right now, and it was nice at the end he said when it is our time we will go to heavin and we will see her singing on the choir praising god with all the angels, and she wil run to us and jump into our arms and thank us for taking her to this point until she got to go home to God. That was all we needed to hear to lift our spirits and be happy and rather than mourn, be happy and celebrate. And i think thats something we should all think of when we think of our loved ones who have passed. think of all the fun there having up there, and think of how there just arranging a good spot for you till the day God decides to take you home. 

So enough about death or celebration of life, but things have since almost looked up, it has taught us all to appreciate everything in these babies and every moment we get to teach them and direct them towards god and love them. Even though they fart and sneeze on you, and they always bight my knees and kick me and slap me, there wonderful!

 let me tell you they really test my patients but since that funeral i have learned to be calm. we have one baby who was mad at me and slapped me, but when she was done i hugged her and kissed her.. took all my strength but i had to remember were these babies come from, i have no idea the things they have seen growing up before they got here. So i have to love on them and show them how to love until the last day i have with them! 

so i guess since this whole thing has happened i am learning how short life is, and learning that God has us here for a purpose and everything that makes you angry you need to turn it around with love. 

A prime example would be our cleaning lady, we have had a lot of problems with her lately and it has caused us not to talk to her anymore and to almost ignore her and today i was home alone and i was about to watch a movie, and she was scrubbing our toilet and i went to her and asked her if she wanted to take a break and watch a movie with me. Man did her face light up, and she did she watched the movie with me and it was nice to sit with her and have peace and forget about the past issues and just have a nice day together. Now of course i can't tell my roommies i let her stop working to watch a movie but i think it was needed. We need to show gods love every second we can cause you never know when that second will be over. So watching a movie with her on a tv she most likely does not have back at her home just made her day, she was smiling and singing worship songs the rest of the day while she cleaned, and she cleaned the house better then i have ever seen ! So it was really nice. 

So its been hard but i learn something new every day. sometimes not in a positive way.. like a baby passing randomly, or a child drinking dirty water, or a 10 year old  girl left to take care of her baby sister alone.. It is not always positive, but God takes those things and makes us learn something amazing out of them, and puts a seed and hopes you will take what you have learnt and do something truly amazing with it. As soon as we see all these things and allow ourselves to look to God in all the bad and learn from negative things is the sooner we will grow and accomplish truly amazing things for him! 

There is so much to do out there, its not even doing something drastic like coming to Africa, There is so much more than that..there is an opportunity everyday.  There is smiling to the trainee at tim hortans who totally just made your black coffee a triple triple and telling her its okay we all make mistakes and give her a tip.. ( i know tough right.. ) or its seeing that bum on the street and giving them the extra change in your pocket even though i know all of you walk past a bum and say '' they just want the money to buy booze'' trust me i have done it, and maybe they do. But atleast you were selfless enough in that moment to show love to someone who wants alchohol so bad that they would sit on the street and beg for it! hahah ! so i dont really know what i just said in my blog i think my hands went crazy i dont even know if it all made sense! but hopefully it did and you guys liked it ! and hopefully it put a smile on your face and maybe even taught you something :) love you all much much ! and hope no one messes up your coffee this morning !! :P 

xoxoxooxoxo